One of life's cruelest ironies is that true growth comes only through opposition. That in order to really know happiness, we must somehow also experience the sad. That the earth was cursed for our sake. 

"Do not fear the winds of adversity. Remember: A kite rises against the wind rather than with it" -Anonymous.

Of the many realities of which I am sure, one most literal is that life has a tendency of blessing us with trials and opposition; those rugged days of darkness shared with long nights of loneliness and fear. As they are trials to learn from, to grow from, they seem to come when we're the least prepared for them. But they also arrive when we may need them most, always tailored best to allow for our personal growth.   

To that end, there is one source whose very existence is focused upon our eternal misery and pain. And while he seems to attack when at our weakest, he's just as likely to engage when all seems right in the world. He gives nothing and yet he takes everything! He offers the world, but the world isn't his to offer. His is one of illusion, a magician of smoke and mirrors. 

A masterful artist, he paints with a broad brush an alluring portrait which only ends in the enslavement and destruction to the frequent viewer. 

He promotes and encourages selfishness, greed, gluttony, envy, and hate. He presents a guarantee of salvation found only in the artificial coupled with loss of freedoms. A salvation that is fleeting, misleading, and destructive and not genuine or real. 

His purposes serve only him. But they leave a wake of devastation, despair, and woe. 
When I feel my weakest emotionally, when I've reached the deepest depths of my sorrow, when I feel most vulnerable and desperate, then is the time when I must remember and understand that God knows and loves each of us. But we cannot become lax and naiive into believing that the adversary doesn't knows us either or that he is somehow far away - especially once we feel stronger than before. Now he doesn't know us to the extent that God knows us. But he has not forgotten the choices we made in the preexistence. He is aware of our potentials and weaknesses. And he is frighteningly aware of our strengths as well.

Which brings us to one of my favorite quotes on trials:

"It is the plain and very sobering truth that before great moments, certainly before great spiritual moments, there can come adversity, opposition, and darkness. Life has some of those moments for us, and occasionally they come just as we are approaching an important decision or a significant step in our life."

Satan celebrates this and nothing pleases him more than to destroy, even in its infancy, a decision that holds the power of changing lives, extending into the eternities. A choice where the affects can and will change the lives of so many. 

Of the many blessings I enjoy and appreciate most, those that I hold dear and cherish most, the greatest have come from those scary, life altering moments of trial and tribulation. Those moments the Lord has allowed me to experience but in which He also carried me through, always stronger, always better.

While we often turn to God when all seems against us, we must remember Him always. The words to the hymn, I need thee Every Hour offer a lesson on this matter:

I need thee ev’ry hour,

In joy or pain.

Come quickly and abide,

Or life is vain.

The very title of the hymn speaks volumes. But I love the line, "In JOY or pain." To forget the Lord during those moments when blessings seem to be overflowing is to invite pain and sorrow. Often the true test of a soul comes when all seems well in Zion, but yet ceasing not to call on the Lord and give thanks. Remember that "in nothing doth man offend God . . . save those who confess not his hand in all thing?"

I love the testimony I have of knowing that He Knows Me! Hence, while I am not grateful for my trials during them, I am eternally thankful for them when the journey is through.

Why I Blog

Why blogging? According to one source, in 2008, there were 184 million blogs! Seriously? Wow! Naturally they cover the full spectrum of life's many oddities, events, and stories. Many are dedicated to sharing family adventures. Others detail the latest trends in fashion and food. Mine is just some of my random ramblings. 

So why have I chosen to add my voice to the million's of others? Well don't we all have a voice to share? Haven't we all been blessed with so much? Look, I don't pretend to be all wise and all knowing. I'm humble enough to admit I don't have all the answers-at least not all the right answers. Heck sometimes I don't have any of the answers. Nor am I of the belief that somehow my words will change the lives of millions. They don't need to. These musings are as much for me as anyone, but they are also my way of acknowledging all that God has blessed me with. If my thoughts aid even one person into improving their life, whether I ever find out or not, then that which I have been blessed with is now blessing others. And the glory be God's!

But you know, I just mentioned that my words won't necessarily change or affect the lives of millions. Well, maybe I mispoke a bit. Have you ever seen that commercial or video where one person tells two friends, and they tell two friends, and so on, and so on, and . . . resulting in many lives being affected (hopefully for the better)? When we share God's gifts with others the effects can be immeasurable. Especially when we have a compelling story to share or experience others can relate to or rally around. A prime is example would be my friend Michelle and her blog about the loss of her child and the growth she's experienced as a result. I've shared this link before but I want to link it again.

We all have a story to tell and a voice to share. Are you ready to share yours?

The Good Enoughers

The Good Enoughers. What or who are they?

Well, let me start with this, you don't want to be one. Don't get me wrong, they aren't all bad; after all, they are . . . good enough. But good enough for what and for whom? 

Okay, Good Enoughers are those people in your life who come and go but never really stay. They give the effort required to get what they want (usually from you) but often leave you still wanting (but not necessarily wanting them). They contribute little, but take, take, take. Good Enoughers do more existing than really living. So be careful. They are the energy sapping, heartbreaking, users and abusers in your life.  

To put this in context, let's use a dating analogy. [Disclaimer: Being a man, I've never really experienced this at the hands of another, but I've seen it and even counseled against it.] A male Good Enougher (and they can be women too) exerts an incredible initial effort to woo a woman. But once he "has" her, Mr. Good Enougher resorts to the habits of his former life. When she calls him on his, we'll call it laziness, he straightens up just long enough to earn her good graces again. He knows and says what she wants to hear. Oh he's smooth this one. But little by little he creeps and crawls, some might say slithers, back to neglect and taking her for granted. When she threatens to leave him with a break up, the cycle repeats itself. Eventually though she dumps his sorry butt - hopefully anyhow. At this point I guess you could say he has now transitioned into a "Just Doesn't Get It."

So what happened? Where did he fail? And why? Well he was good enough to "get" her, but not good enough to "keep" her. He was good enough to know her needs, but not good enough to meet her needs. Good enough to make her smile, but not good enough to please her heart. 

“You are good. But it is not enough just to be good. You must be good for something. You must contribute good to the world. The world must be a better place for your presence. And the good that is in you must be spread to others....” ― Gordon B. Hinckley

Good Enoughers again are good. They do try. They give effort. And they do care. But they are more concerned with image. They tend to be selfish. And somehow they never transition into those we want to keep around. Good Enoughers never fulfill their potential because their effort is only enough to get by. They rarely get promotions and raises. They generally aren't risk takers. And where others thrive, Good Enoughers merely survive. Where others dominate, Good Enoughers merely domin . . . um, yea.

Let's take this to the gym now. While some do that extra rep or two or additional set when their body says "no more," Good Enoughers stop short of tired. Where others run through the finish line, Good Enoughers coast through. We'll give them credit of course. They made it to the gym. But at the same time, they live the same amount each time. Run the same distance as the time before. And extra mile is not a part of their vocabulary. In fact Good Enoughers are fluent in adequate, close enough, content, and "eh, I tried."


Another aspect of Good Enoughers: they love routine. They are at their strongest when protected in confines of their comfort zones. They choose to do that what they already know the can. Good Enoughers rarely choose to do Hard Things! 

Now it's confession time. Ugh. I used to be a Good Enougher. Yes, yours truly. I don't make excuses for why I was. It was a part of my life, a part which ceases to exist now. But once I truly discovered myself, I saw this was a part of my life I DID NOT LIKE! I immediately made changes to how I did everything. I stopped the excuses and I began to expect more. But I also started to do more and be more.
 
A Good Enougher plants beans and expects corn. They embody the saying, "Even a steer can try" (I heard this from my dad every time I said I was trying). And they generally get left behind in life, but rarely care. 

Be Good!

I am Woman Hear me Roar!

It's official. I'm calling it. Woman wins!

Look, I love being a man and I only want to be a man, with no plans on changing. I'm proud to be a man. And there are some amazing men today. But it's time to call it like is. Woman rules!

We need both genders, obviously. Both are essential and divine. And I am not disregarding anything male. But woman wins. To quote President Gordon B. Hinckley,

“Woman is God’s supreme creation. Only after the earth had been formed, after the day had been separated from the night, after the waters had been divided from the land, after vegetation and animal life had been created, and after man had been placed on the earth, was woman created; and only then was the work pronounced complete and good.”

I concur.

Lately it just seems women are passing men in so many areas. And in fact there is evidence to prove this: 

In 2010, women became the majority of the workforce for the first time in U.S. history. Most managers are now women too. And for every two men who get a college degree this year, three women will do the same.

There are other facts that could be stated that illustrate the gulf that is growing and dividing men and women, but the point here is women rule. (Please read to the end. I'd love to hear your comments).

Now none of this should be a contest. Nor should this be an issue of who is better when together is best. And a battle of the sexes only produces casualties. But now is the time for we men to rise up, man up, and be men again. We need to be better, husbands, fathers, friends, and all around better men. Let's not forget all the good men still. There are plenty. Still, we need to encourage and support the women in our lives and women in general in their pursuits. Together we need to restore the traditional family, with a husband who leads and with a wife who leads with him as coequals. We need to respect women who have an education, who are pursuing an education, and women who are successful in the workplace. Naturally this is a sensitive issue. In no way am I suggesting that women no longer be mothers. Quite the contrary. But today's dynamic has changed. Nor am I ignoring the amazing women who are working so hard as successful single mothers.

Well here is one guy who will be what she needs and wants and now! I want to will be the exception to all her bad dating experiences. I will be there to meet her emotional, spiritual, and mental needs. I'm manning up!

With that I am now presenting my oath to women, but more so to the woman I will marry:

1. I will not manipulate, use, misuse, or abuse you verbally, physically, or emotionally.
2. I will practice time honored chivalry: help you with your chair, open your car door, help you with your jacket, keep you on the safe side of traffic, and defend your honor . . . to the death! or at least with a strongly worded email.
3. I will encourage you to exemplify everything a woman should be and everything you want to be.
4. I will honor your feminine qualities.
5. I will respect you, your thoughts, desires, actions, hopes and dreams.
6. I will listen to you and I will learn from you.
7. I will be your spider killer, your high shelf reacher, your knight in shining armor. My armor may have some dents and a little rust, but that will buff out. 
8. I will honor the priesthood I bear as I honor you.
9. I will hold your hand in public. 
10. I'll buy your tampons, and anything else most men are uncomfortable buying. I'll even hold your purse for you, but in a manly way of course. What is a manly purse hold? You grab the straps about halfway down, then keep your arm slightly bent at the elbow. It should resemble a caveman bringing his kill back to the cave. Nice huh?
11. I'll rub your feet. Now how can you beat that?
12. I will workout with you. I already workout 5-6 days a week, so maybe that one isn't much of a goal. But it is important to me.
13. I will not behave like a child and you will not have to act like my mom. Neither of us want that. 
14. I will not just do to make you happy then resort to old ways.
15. I will treat you like a princess. Tiara not included . . . yet.
16. I will choose being with you over playing video games (I actually don't play them as it is, so we're good there).
17. I will keep my man card, but still be sensitive to your needs. In other words I'll be the man you need me to be.
18. I will take responsibility, but not be overbearing.
19. I'll shave my chest. I hear that is desirable - truth be told, I already have. I swim. 
20. I will give you my 100% and I will be your coequal in all things.
21. I will tell you often that I love you and NOT just when you need to hear it. But more importantly, I will mean it.
22. I will take you on weekly dates, and sometimes surprise you.
23. I will respect your need for space and "you" time.
24. I will be more than just good enough. I will be great!
25. I will watch Pride and Prejudice, The Notebook, and anything on Lifetime with you. Heck, I'll even watch the Twilight Trilogy with you. But if you want to watch ESPN once in a while, that's cool.
26. I will love you even when you aren't feeling lovable. 
27. I will recognize that of all the men in the world you could have chosen, you chose me and I will live worthy to keep that true.
28. I will take less time than you in the bathroom getting ready, for anything. And I'll save you some hot water.
29. I'll take out the trash, clean the bathroom, make the bed, wash the dishes, mow the lawn, and a host of other household chores, but as a trade, will you do ironing and fold the laundry? I'll even wash the clothes and dry them. But I hate ironing.
30. “In the presence of a girl I truly love I will not grovel; in her presence I will not attempt to take advantage of her; in her presence I will be everything a “Master Man” should become, for she will inspire me to that ideal.”[i] (Edited portions in bold and underlined) 

I know what some of you are thinking after reading all this. Well let it be known, none of the above means I'll be whipped. Look at all the successful marriages. They have at least one thing in common: the men were men and they honored and loved their wives. They weren't selfish and they placed their wives first.

Sound too good to be true? I don't think so.

"True love is not so much a matter of romance as it is a matter of anxious concern for the well-being of one's companion.” -Gordon B. Hinckley

If I choose to place her first because I love her, in no way am I weak or pathetic or soft. In fact in more ways than one, I am a stronger, bigger, better man.

“Of all the creations of the Almighty, there is none more beautiful, none more inspiring then a lovely daughter of God who walks in virtue, with an understanding of why she should do so, who honors and respects her body as a thing sacred and divine, who cultivates her mind and constantly enlarges the horizon of her understanding, who nurtures her spirit with everlasting truth. God will hold us accountable if we neglect His daughters.”[ii]

Now an open invite to you women. Let's see your list as to what you want from a man. Leave a comment. I'm genuinely interested.


Be Good!
---------------------------------------

[i] "Our Responsibility to Our Young Women," Ensign, September 1988, p. 11.)  (Gordon B. Hinckley, Teachings of Gordon B. Hinckley [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1997], 691.)  

[ii] President David O. McKay, Gospel Ideals: Selections from the Discourses of David O. McKay [Salt Lake City: Improvement Era, 1953], 459).  

What is Love Anyway?

1950s/60s teen idol Ricky Nelson sang the hit song Garden Party. The chorus is as follows:

But it’s all right now, I learned my lesson well.
You see, ya can’t please everyone, so ya got to please yourself.

There is truth to this profound statement. But I’d like to amend these words just a bit:

But it’s all right now, I learned my lesson well.
You see, ya can’t love anyone, till you learn to love yourself.

Any life devoid of love isn’t much of a life at all. I truly feel for those souls wandering the earth, never living, never loving, and never discovering just how great they really are. "Much of the confusion we experience in this life comes from simply not understanding who we are.” [i]

     It's become oh so clear to me recently that any quest for finding and maintaining love for others must include an understanding of who we are, while learning to love ourselves. And this isn't an unrighteous desire, despite warnings to avoid selfishness. If we fail to love ourselves, in relishing who we are, how can we expect to love others? And therein lies happiness, in loving others. I want happiness and I want LOVE. We all should.
     But before we can love ourselves, and conversely, love others, the start of our quest must begin with loving God. 

Loving God

“Come unto Christ and love God with all your might, mind and strength" (Moro. 10:32; see also Mark 12:30; Matt. 22:37; Deut. 6:5; Luke 10:27; Moro. 10:32; D&C 59:5). And don't forget the pure love of Christ: Charity. (see Moro. 7:44–47; 2 Ne. 26:30).“Wherefore, my beloved brethren pray unto the Father with all the energy of [your] heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son,Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him” (Moro. 7:48).

Loving the Lord helps us in learning to love ourselves and then others. Our love for the Lord positions us to see ourselves as worthy of His love and to see as Christ see us. Remember this choice nugget, "Christ did not wait to love us until we were perfect or had fully developed our ability to love Him.” [ii]

     The knowledge that we all are children of God, that we have a Heavenly Father who knows us and loves us, is the most important and fulfilling sense of belonging attainable and the impact on our self worth is priceless. “Behold, thou art Nephi, and I am God” (Helaman10:6). What comforting words these must have been even to this prophet. The Lord was aware of his needs. He knew of his joys and his sorrows. He knew Nephi. 
     This calming declaration surely brought solace to the mind of Nephi and others like him who have embraced this fact. Certainly such thoughts should speak peace to our souls as well - even healing the wounded heart. They lend credibility that we belong to something bigger than ourselves. That we are truly children of a loving Heavenly Father. And despite our own limitations, shortcomings, and struggles, we are never alone, whether during our darkest moments or brightest days. 

Loving ourselves
     My struggles were related to my faith in God. I always knew I was a good, virtuous person and I knew God loved me. But my difficulties were in my physical appearance. I believed what others said about me. I heeded their words. All this began to take a toll on other aspects of my being. Now I don't blame anyone. Regardless the person, despite their words, I had the choice in how to respond. Granted, words of confidence and support would have been more appropriate on their part, and appreciated on mine, but it's my life and I control how I respond.
     As I made certain changes in my life, I began to disregard the words and thoughts of others. I started to see myself in a new light and I began to love all of me, not just some of me. And you know one of the greatest "side effects" of this transition? I genuinely began to see in others as I feel God sees them - as they want to be seen. I began to love them. Now I still struggle with loving everyone. Don't we all. But this is a process. It won't happen over night. Nor should it. In discovering myself, I started to love myself. And now the circuit is beginning to complete itself: I now know I can love others. 

     For others this fear or inability to love themselves stems from poor past choices and sins. Forgiving themselves proves to be their biggest hurdle to true happiness and real love. I love these two quotes on this matter; you will too: 

“Our Heavenly Father is far more merciful, infinitely more charitable, than even the best of his servants, and the Everlasting Gospel is mightier in power to save than our narrow finite minds can comprehend.”[iii]

Echoing these sweet words, President J. Reuben Clark Jr. observed:

“I feel that [the Savior] will give that punishment which is the very least that our transgression will justify. I believe that he will bring into his justice all of the infinite love and blessing and mercy and kindness and understanding which he has. … And on the other hand, I believe that when it comes to making the rewards for our good conduct, he will give us the maximum that it is possible to give, having in mind the offense which we have committed.”[iv]

What is love anyway, if it isn't shared with those who love us most? 


Loving Others
For some, loving others isn't too difficult. They seem to be annoyingly oozing with love for all. But for the rest of us, we struggle here. It's finding ways to love the unlovable that proves a challenge. Too many make it nearly impossible to love them. Maybe they feel they aren't worthy of anyone's love. They might reason that love can be fleeting so why invest themselves in loving anyone, including themselves. The real beauty and essence of love is this:

Love LOVES the unlovable. 

Love is all encompassing and comprehensive; not selective. It holds no bounds and is eternal. Love spans the heavens and reaches all times. It is void of selfish desire and motives. It doesn't keep score and never asks, "What's in it for me?"

Maybe this path to love coupled with happiness sounds too perfect, too simple. But love and happiness can be perfect and we certainly make it more difficult than we need too. But there does remain one more crucial element to this recipe: 

allowing others to love us. 

Opening ourselves for others to love and loving ourselves may be the most difficult things we ever do. They both require a dedicated investment of time and effort. A certain amount of fear is understandably present. But they also require patience. Yes, there is that dreaded word so many fear. But as the saying goes: "anything worth doing is worth doing right." 
    

One more note, love not put into action, benefits no one. It must be nurtured, expressed, and shared.

Be Good!

---

[i] President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “The Reflection in the Water,” CES Fireside, November 1, 2009.
[ii] Marleen Williams, “Living a Covenant Marriage”-get stats, 86..
[iii] J. Reuben Clark, Jr., “As Ye Sow . . .” Brigham Young University address, 3 May 1955.

[iv] Orson F. Whitney, Conference Report, April 1929, p. 110.

A Lover of Memories, A Lover of Life

I've been writing a lot lately. More than I ever thought I would and I'm really enjoying it. But this entry isn't about me. Nor should it be. No I want to recognize two incredible spirits who are touching the lives of many for good. One I've met. And while with the other I never had that privilege, I have no doubt he is just as amazing. So be prepared to be inspired, to come away a happier, better, more complete person. But also be forewarned, you'll need some tissues on hand.

Michelle is a photographer. She is a triathlete. She is the mother to three children. She is also a daughter of God. On April 20, 2006, everything she is was pushed, was tested, was challenged.

That day was otherwise uneventful. Then everything changed, including her very being. Her nearly 2-year old James was leaning against a window when the screen suddenly gave way. James' fall resulted in traumatic head injuries and sadly her sweet angel didn't survive. With his passing, storm clouds gathered and sunshine failed. . . but then her fight kicked in; she fought back for James and for herself. Nearly six years later, Michelle's love for her little son grows stronger and stronger and deeper.

And while she doesn't ask for pity, she faces this tragedy with courage and resiliency. Mourning his loss, she recognizes the blessings that have come. She is an example to us all.

James returned to his Heavenly home, but his special eternal spirit lives on in his mother's heart. He's her guardian angel. And this story continues . . .

Michelle has channeled some of her grief and joy, as well as her life lessons into an inspiring and beautifully written blog. I've been reading Michelle's choice words for the past month. I look forward to each new entry. Others do as well; many of them strangers. From these posts, she shares her joys and tears. She lovingly teaches how to live with grief, but find happiness. She infuses an honest heart and soul into her messages. And in the process, she has found herself. She now invites others to do the same.

It was my privilege and fortune to share lunch with Michelle recently. In a day and age when so much seems so wrong with the world, this incredibly fun, spiritual woman represents so much about what is still so good today. She stands tall when staying down would have been much easier. Emerging from this horrific day, Michelle continues to praise her Heavenly Father and personifies a lover of life, a lover of memories. There were many things we shared during lunch. Some are too personal to share, but one I feel is quite special and one Michelle shares with her clients: "While not everyone is going to lose their child to death like I did, everyone will lose their child to time." To that end, and to honor James, Michelle pours her heart, her soul, her everything into her blog and her amazing photography: 
       "These images, these pictures, are far more valuable than you will ever dream, until you stare at them 20 years down the road. These, are one thing in life that will never depreciate with time. They only become more valuable the older they become. Invest in your memories, you never know how valuable they will become. This is why I love my job, this is why I do it. I give to you, what I wish I could give to myself." Take a moment and visit her photography blog too!

As much as this entry and her blog are about Michelle, it's also about her precious baby James. To forget him, or any loved one we may have lost to death, is to lose a part of ourselves. While too few were blessed by his tender spirit while he lived, so many more are being blessed by James and his sweet mamma now. Maybe the worth of a soul should also be measured in the lives changed after we have lived our own. 

There are many reasons to read Michelle's words, and I've found mine; discover who you are and ". . . come to love yourself too by reading" her blog. 

My Makeover - an Investment in Me!

I shy away from that word: Makeover. It conjures up images of women receiving new hairdos, picking new outfits, and new makeup choices. There's nothing wrong with that, but being a man none of that interests me, outside of the fact that I love women. Instead I think I'll go with SELF-INVESTMENT.

Let me tell about my makeover or my Self-Investment project, one that is still ongoing. But first note, this isn't about how great I am. Rather I hope this entry can be used to inspire everyone to humbly invest in themselves; to recognize their own greatness and self worth, to share their blessings with others, and to then acknowledge God's hand in all things. 

Now I've blogged a bit about some of this already, but I haven't always loved my physique. I've always been tall, and I love that. But my 8 lbs of baby fat didn't stay with me long. So growing up I was skinny. Not just thin, but skinny - to the tune of 6'4" and 135 lbs post mission. And I've heard all the names, and probably thought up a few of my own.

Regardless, with age and time, I am beginning to see the weight come on. Fortunately for me, the weight isn't the undesirable weight that so many dread - well there has been a little in the mid section, but I've got that under control. But aside from this "aged" weight, I've been putting in the hours at the gym and eating healthy to guarantee this new weight remains good weight. I love the gym and working out at home. It feels good. It's invigorating and I'm loving the results. But in addition to the physical health I'm enjoying, I feel healthier and stronger mentally and emotionally. More stable in all facets of my health.

I don't want to give weight training and eating healthy all the credit. But they certainly deserve much of it. No, I made the choice, the decision that I matter and I should matter to someone. I know I matter to the Lord. Now I want to matter to a future wife. I want to matter to future children. I want to matter more to everyone. So whether you want to lose weight, gain weight, succeed in school, improve social relations, whatever change you want to see in your life, begin by investing in yourself. As you do, you will begin to see some amazing side benefits.

Here are some of the positive side benefits of my SELF-INVESTMENT:

• I now control my own happiness. I'm not going to allow someone or something to affect what makes me happy. Sure people in my life definitely motivate me, encourage me, or bring me happiness. But it is still a choice whether or not those aspects of my life truly make me happy. Still, I will surround myself with these happy sources, even greatness, and I eliminate those elements that attempt to bring me down. I choose to be happy.
• I care so much more about my appearance now than I did before. When what you see in the mirror isn't what you want to see, some aspects of your life don't receive the attention they need. In fact, they begin to atrophy. Now in this case, it was how I dressed. I don't want anyone to get the impression I was some sort of under the bridge ogre, van down by the river living grunt, or Belle's beast. I just didn't care about clothes. I was the kid on Christmas day who tossed the dress socks. But I also tossed the jeans, the knit shirts, the slacks, the sweaters, basically anything related to clothing. Check this out. Over a year ago this was my work attire: khaki pants, big black "dress" shoes, nice long sleeved shirts, and white socks. Oh yeah. White socks. Loving that image now, huh? I spent two years complaining about how the Swiss wore white socks with their dress clothes. Egad! Now not only have I tossed the white socks, the khakis (mostly) and the big black "dress" shoes, but I have purchased new dress shoes, classy looking cowboy boots, new slacks, and I even bought lots of black dress socks. And I hate socks. But now I look good and I feel good. Oh an I nearly forgot, I am also getting my dead, yellow tooth veneered. This was from a bike accident many years ago. 
• I desire to keep a cleaner living space. I've never been a slob. Well compared to some, maybe; but compared to most, no. That said, I had room for improvement. It's amazing what renewed, restored self confidence can do to motivate a person to improve in all things. I love knowing I have a clean, made bed to sleep in. I appreciate spot free, clutter free carpet. A odor free bathroom, or as close to one as possible; love it. And it spreads from there. I clean my car weekly. I love how it glimmers in the sun. I even bought a deodorizer for my car. I refuse to become anal about all this though. While I recognize this clean attitude is important, I also acknowledge the need to relax and not sweat the small things.
• Speaking of sweating the small things, and in connection with my controlling my own happiness, I won't get worked up when things are out of my control. I know who I am and I know what I want. I am a good person, doing my best in all things. If I "fail" but I've given it my all and done the best I can, so be it. I'll keep trying of course. But if something doesn't go as I like, or someone doesn't agree or act as I would hope they would, not a problem. But I will not be a pushover either. I've been there. Won't do it anymore. 
• I do things now, when I think of them. I used to, well we'll call it procrastinate. I called it "waiting for a more convenient time. But, yea, it was procrastination. How much did I miss "waiting for a more convenient time?" How much more could I have done? More people helped? More learned? One of the greatest blessings and rewards of doing things now? The people in your life. People should not be procrastinated away. Especially those most important to you. 
• I won't do things merely to please other people, a fine example of manipulation at work. And any changes I make in my life will be permanent, because they are what should be included in my life, and again, will not be only to please someone or get what I want from them. These attempts are not lasting and often not genuine. Be inspired by someone. Use their example as motivation. But if you are changing your life only because they are in your life, be careful. What happens so often is, once they are gone, gone too are the changes in your life. I see this in dating relationships especially. A guy (usually) will work his butt off to "get" the girl, only to slink back to old ways and habits once he "has" her. Make it last and make it you. Do it because you want to. And especially don't do it because you think they want you to. It will never be you. 
• My spiritual side has improved. I've always been active in the church and I love the Gospel of Jesus Christ. But as with others facets of my life, I was doing "enough" to get by. I was a Sunday morning lesson planner. Often I had the manual on my lap in Sacrament Meeting, still prepping. I was in some ways going through the motions, back lacking any real emotion. I now feel a new power emerging within me that is taking over.
  
• I won't allow myself to be intimidated by anyone or anything. Is there anything I cannot do? Well the answer is actually yes. People say they can do anything, but that isn't true. For example, I cannot be 16 again. But I can feel 16 again (not sure I want to though). I cannot dunk on an 11-foot basket without the aid of something. It's just not in my genetics, no matter how hard I work at it. But I can still try. 
• My finances are taking more importance. I'm considering getting my Masters Degree now. I am looking at ways to improve my status at work. I see ways to improve the organization without kissing-up or brown nosing. I spend on what I need, but still find time to reward myself or show a date I appreciate her company (but not to excess). I'm preparing for the future, whatever it may bring.

The best and rest is still to come! Stay tuned . . .

Be Good!

For all those who said I couldn't, I CAN!

On the surface this blog entry might give the impression that I possess a "revenge list" of sorts, with a personal vendetta towards the world and those who have stood in my way. That I desire to show and prove my detractors wrong. But truth be told, I've been the biggest obstacle in my life. No one has held me back. Oh sure, I've had plenty of naysayers - we all have. But just as the devil can't make you do anything without your consent, their words are hollow unless you choose to heed them. No, I'm doing this for me, as I knew I could all along. For me the battle was internal. More of an "If I would" then an "If I could."

Again I'm doing this is for me. And I'm doing this as much for my mental well being, as for my physical health. But I'm not going to lie and say this is all for me. Sure I'm doing this to look and feel better. But I'm also doing this so as to be healthy for a future wife and children still to come. I'm doing this because my body is a gift and I have but one lifetime to care for it and make it the best I can. I do because I can.

While no one ever said I wouldn't, many said I couldn't. After awhile if you don't choose to answer these critics, even internally, you begin to believe them. And then you begin to act. You might even go so far as to convince yourself that they were right all along. All excuses! Excuses to continue doing what is easy, what is risk free. And an excuse to remain just as you are. That was me. I loved who I was, but I wanted to be better than I'd been. Yet I went no further. We can find any and all excuses to not do something of worth. But it only takes one YES I CAN, YES I WILL choice to change for the better.

So what is this "this"? Maybe a little context will help: I'm tall. 6'4" to be exact; well 6'3" and a whisper shy of 6'4", but close enough. While I've always been tall, I haven't been "big." At 21 I weighed in at a buck 35. That's right 135 lbs. Yes, I know that is skinny. Believe me, I was reminded of it every time I went swimming, showered, or looked in the mirror. But I was also reminded through comments from friends and family, and the occasional stranger. As much as I hated being called, "Stick boy" "skinny" "bean pole" or "Ethiopian heavyweight," I still struggled gaining weight. I tried everything. Ask me sometime. But I also began to believe their comments.

While I understand that "thin is in," it can still be hard for some to be thin. I allowed their words to affect how I viewed myself. I didn't try out for the football team because of this. My relations with women were affected. My individual self worth took a hit. In Jr. High and High School, I used to sweatshirts and other baggy clothing because they added bulk to my frame and hid my arms. I would wear a towel around my shoulders at the pool. I was afraid to go to the gym. And I refrained from going to some social activities, because I was afraid I'd be rejected. But while I don't blame anyone, these events in my life were nevertheless real. I reasoned that if I didn't like what I saw in my physical stature, wouldn't others see the same thing? In some ways yes. Confidence begets confidence. But I was also deciding for others what they should see in me; never allowing them to truly see who and what I am.

Two years ago I decided enough! It was time to change. I wanted more. And I expected more. NO MORE EXCUSES. I determine my own happiness. And while I was happy with life, I wanted to be happier. I began to eat healthier. I started to exercise more. I bought a gym membership. I began to care about how I dressed. I began to gain weight, but good weight. And slowly I began to see my confidence return. I began to believe in myself I again. And along the way, I found the affects weren't just in my new found physical size, but in all aspects of my life. My passion and zest for life increased. My desire to live more closely to the Lord grew. I eliminated so many of the negative aspects in my life. I now give full effort. I now want to be more involved in life. I'm now a doer.

And I'm not doing all this to be better than anyone other than myself. The moment I think I am better than someone else, I'm probably not. And spending time with your Facebook profile, watching a favorite television program, or even a good read have yet to improve anyone's physique, lower cholesterol, or better one's physical health. Exercise and weight training have improved my mental and spiritual health as well. I have more balance in my life.

I wrote this entry not to act as motivation to anyone but myself. I'm still learning and discovering. And so far I like what I've uncovered. I hope those who come across it might gain something, to feel inspired. and then to go out and do. But whether they will or won't is entirely up to them. As for me, I'm doing. I don't claim to have all the answers and this blog doesn't provide all the answers either. Not for others anyhow. But whether you find inspiration in these words, is only of worth to you if you put them into action in your own life. Otherwise they are just words, benefiting me and me alone.

If You think You won't, then You probably won't. If You say You can't, then I bet You can't. If You believe You won't and You believe can't, You're probably right: You can't and You won't. But whether you can or can't, will or won't . . . that is entirely up to YOU, a choice that is yours and yours alone.

To do that which you already know you can, certainly brings growth. But challenging yourself to try that which is still unconquered, especially in the face of those who say you can't or won't, there in lies true potential and development.

When we do only to prove other's wrong, we haven't experienced true personal growth. We may have results to show for our efforts, but we still lack that inner strength and growth so vitally needed to carry us on when facing future troubles. Don't do just to prove to those who say you can't. Do to show yourself YOU can. And then keep doing!

The hardest thing about doing anything is just that . . . doing. It's easy to dream. Easy to wish. Easy to want. But to do, to act. That is hard. Hard that is until you want it more than you desire to breath. We've all made plans before, set goals. We've all desired and wished for something better. To reach beyond that which we've already obtained. Yet, for many, these thoughts never translate into actions, crossing that chasm dividing the doers and be-ers from the wanters and wishers.

Spas and gyms across the country are filled with wishers and doers. More so around January of each year, than during any other month. Come February, March and April, the doers are still there. But where are the wishers? Exactly where they were in December, and in November, and in October, and in . . . still wishing. Gym managers don't care if you are a doer or a wisher. Whether you quit after the first day, week, or month, they'll continue to collect your dues and fees. They always benefit. I'd take twenty dollars a month to watch you sit on the couch, with your cookie feedbag, wishing for better.

My only regret? None. I have learned from my past, from my mistakes, from life. While I'll certainly make mistakes in the future, I choose to face them and carry on. I choose to keep doing.

Whether you think you can, or that you can't, you are usually right   

~Henry Ford ~

PS - I actually wrote this blog entry between the different sets of my workout.