On the surface this blog entry might give the impression that I possess a "revenge list" of sorts, with a personal vendetta towards the world and those who have stood in my way. That I desire to show and prove my detractors wrong. But truth be told, I've been the biggest obstacle in my life. No one has held me back. Oh sure, I've had plenty of naysayers - we all have. But just as the devil can't make you do anything without your consent, their words are hollow unless you choose to heed them. No, I'm doing this for me, as I knew I could all along. For me the battle was internal. More of an "If I would" then an "If I could."
Again I'm doing this is for me. And I'm doing this as much for my mental well being, as for my physical health. But I'm not going to lie and say this is all for me. Sure I'm doing this to look and feel better. But I'm also doing this so as to be healthy for a future wife and children still to come. I'm doing this because my body is a gift and I have but one lifetime to care for it and make it the best I can. I do because I can.
While no one ever said I wouldn't, many said I couldn't. After awhile if you don't choose to answer these critics, even internally, you begin to believe them. And then you begin to act. You might even go so far as to convince yourself that they were right all along. All excuses! Excuses to continue doing what is easy, what is risk free. And an excuse to remain just as you are. That was me. I loved who I was, but I wanted to be better than I'd been. Yet I went no further. We can find any and all excuses to not do something of worth. But it only takes one YES I CAN, YES I WILL choice to change for the better.
So what is this "this"? Maybe a little context will help: I'm tall. 6'4" to be exact; well 6'3" and a whisper shy of 6'4", but close enough. While I've always been tall, I haven't been "big." At 21 I weighed in at a buck 35. That's right 135 lbs. Yes, I know that is skinny. Believe me, I was reminded of it every time I went swimming, showered, or looked in the mirror. But I was also reminded through comments from friends and family, and the occasional stranger. As much as I hated being called, "Stick boy" "skinny" "bean pole" or "Ethiopian heavyweight," I still struggled gaining weight. I tried everything. Ask me sometime. But I also began to believe their comments.
While I understand that "thin is in," it can still be hard for some to be thin. I allowed their words to affect how I viewed myself. I didn't try out for the football team because of this. My relations with women were affected. My individual self worth took a hit. In Jr. High and High School, I used to sweatshirts and other baggy clothing because they added bulk to my frame and hid my arms. I would wear a towel around my shoulders at the pool. I was afraid to go to the gym. And I refrained from going to some social activities, because I was afraid I'd be rejected. But while I don't blame anyone, these events in my life were nevertheless real. I reasoned that if I didn't like what I saw in my physical stature, wouldn't others see the same thing? In some ways yes. Confidence begets confidence. But I was also deciding for others what they should see in me; never allowing them to truly see who and what I am.
Two years ago I decided enough! It was time to change. I wanted more. And I expected more. NO MORE EXCUSES. I determine my own happiness. And while I was happy with life, I wanted to be happier. I began to eat healthier. I started to exercise more. I bought a gym membership. I began to care about how I dressed. I began to gain weight, but good weight. And slowly I began to see my confidence return. I began to believe in myself I again. And along the way, I found the affects weren't just in my new found physical size, but in all aspects of my life. My passion and zest for life increased. My desire to live more closely to the Lord grew. I eliminated so many of the negative aspects in my life. I now give full effort. I now want to be more involved in life. I'm now a doer.
And I'm not doing all this to be better than anyone other than myself. The moment I think I am better than someone else, I'm probably not. And spending time with your Facebook profile, watching a favorite television program, or even a good read have yet to improve anyone's physique, lower cholesterol, or better one's physical health. Exercise and weight training have improved my mental and spiritual health as well. I have more balance in my life.
I wrote this entry not to act as motivation to anyone but myself. I'm still learning and discovering. And so far I like what I've uncovered. I hope those who come across it might gain something, to feel inspired. and then to go out and do. But whether they will or won't is entirely up to them. As for me, I'm doing. I don't claim to have all the answers and this blog doesn't provide all the answers either. Not for others anyhow. But whether you find inspiration in these words, is only of worth to you if you put them into action in your own life. Otherwise they are just words, benefiting me and me alone.
If You think You won't, then You probably won't. If You say You can't, then I bet You can't. If You believe You won't and You believe can't, You're probably right: You can't and You won't. But whether you can or can't, will or won't . . . that is entirely up to YOU, a choice that is yours and yours alone.
To do that which you already know you can, certainly brings growth. But challenging yourself to try that which is still unconquered, especially in the face of those who say you can't or won't, there in lies true potential and development.
When we do only to prove other's wrong, we haven't experienced true personal growth. We may have results to show for our efforts, but we still lack that inner strength and growth so vitally needed to carry us on when facing future troubles. Don't do just to prove to those who say you can't. Do to show yourself YOU can. And then keep doing!
The hardest thing about doing anything is just that . . . doing. It's easy to dream. Easy to wish. Easy to want. But to do, to act. That is hard. Hard that is until you want it more than you desire to breath. We've all made plans before, set goals. We've all desired and wished for something better. To reach beyond that which we've already obtained. Yet, for many, these thoughts never translate into actions, crossing that chasm dividing the doers and be-ers from the wanters and wishers.
Spas and gyms across the country are filled with wishers and doers. More so around January of each year, than during any other month. Come February, March and April, the doers are still there. But where are the wishers? Exactly where they were in December, and in November, and in October, and in . . . still wishing. Gym managers don't care if you are a doer or a wisher. Whether you quit after the first day, week, or month, they'll continue to collect your dues and fees. They always benefit. I'd take twenty dollars a month to watch you sit on the couch, with your cookie feedbag, wishing for better.
My only regret? None. I have learned from my past, from my mistakes, from life. While I'll certainly make mistakes in the future, I choose to face them and carry on. I choose to keep doing.
Whether you think you can, or
that you can't, you are usually right
~Henry Ford ~
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