Got your attention with that headline, didn't we?
Now that we have it, one of the most useless, wasteful, emotionally destructive, socially exhaustive, and spiritually degrading activities we engage in is the sin of rumor mongering, gossiping, prattling, blethering and blathering. Regardless what we call it, it is a sin. It is selfish in its desire and selfish in its motive. It destroys its target, but ultimately and unintentionally the rumor harms the perpetrator too.
Most of us have played the game Telephone before. You know where a phrase is shared with one person. They then whisper it to another. That person shares it with another and so on and so on ending with the last person in the group hoping to correctly repeat the original message. And as we all discovered, rarely did the former phrase match the latter comical and hilarious outcome. The game of Telephone we play in everyday life is rarely so comical or so kind. Instead it is hurtful, hateful, and disruptive to healthy living.
Because of the destructive power a rumor possesses, as a story often changes from person-to-person, there are very few small, insignificant, or harmless rumors. The damages left from a rumor's wake are difficult to track as are the sources.
The rumor's origin may lack any harmful undertone. There may be no malicious or destructive intent. And often a rumor's focus is meant to be one of humor and entertainment. Just simple, innocent chatter. The resulting effects can be anything but that and therein lies the danger. Once released and left unrestrained their corrosive and abusive effects can bring the strongest to their knees, felling even the mightiest.
Rumor spreading hinders relationships,ruins cherished friendships, and fractures marriages. Careers are tarnished, deals are cankered, and hearts are squashed. They pave way for grudges and loss of spirit. Much like a permanent marker, once spread no amount of scrubbing can entirely undo the damage done.
Regardless the validity of the rumor, if it fails to serve the target in any productive or righteous way, it shouldn't be shared. It aids neither the active spreader nor the casual listener.
Generally the victim of the rumor stands unaware of these attacks until the damage is done, unfairly preventing them from properly and justly defending their integrity, honor, and purpose. That they find themselves in such a situation, needing to defend their reputation at all, is equally unfortunate.
The sender is quick to share but slow to repair.
So why are rumors spread?
Well imagine if the local news reported only on blooming flowers, fluffy bunnies, and ice cream sundae socials. While they would indeed find an audience, they also wouldn't be in business very long. For better or worse, shock and awe sells. The bizarre and sensational rules. And knowledge, even misguided, is power. Wielded with unrighteous motive, rumor power destroys.
According to some sources, men gossip nearly twice as often as women. It's also been reported that upwards to 80% of our daily chatter revolves around other people and their peculiarities. Oddly enough, one examiner found that despite our fascination with the "juicy tidbits of personal info, only about 5 percent of gossip is malicious."
Quite frequently the gossiper lacks something in their life or they require rationale for their misdeeds or lack of success. If misery truly loves company, then passing their misery onto the innocent seems justified. Their insulting, corrosive attacks may provide them a moment of satisfaction, allowing them to sleep at night, but truth be told, their problems still exist come sunup.
And sometimes people are just plain bored. And we admit, if there was no gossiping or rumor sharing, the world would be a pretty quiet place.
How then do we respond?
Do we allow the rumor to define us and our future, accepting the hate and vileness impinging upon our joy and happiness, relegating us to continued misery and pain? Or, despite the hurt and literal anguish, do we choose to continue living such that the rumor dies, leaving the gossiper unsatisfied and broke? That despite these challenges, we thrive and live a grudge-less life. All this is easier said than done, right? Well our greatest reaction to such hurt is to avoid responding in kind, proving to ourselves and everyone how amazing we really are! "Truth is truth, even if no one believes it. A lie is a lie, even if everyone believes it."
Live such that others won't share a rumor with you. Doing so they learn that you don't want to hear them, that you won't spread the rumor. As a rumor matures, we must have the strength to walk away, even possessing the courage to tell others to stop the gossiping; regardless whether the rumor, true or not, will benefit us. We are as guilty as the rumor's author if the rumor gains strength with us or if we fail to kill the gossiping when in a position to do so.
Before sharing any gossipy tidbit, whether it begins with you or not, ask yourself, "Is it true? Will anyone benefit from it, including myself? And does anyone really want or need to hear it?" Put together, Don't share something if it isn't true, isn't good, and isn't important (*similar to Socrates' Three Filter Test). We must be less concerned with how it might help or hurt us and more aware of the damage it may cause the person and those associated with that person. Stop it when we can!
One more absolute no-no related to rumor mongering: while it should go without saying, do not be the source of a rumor. Recall the hurt, frustration, and anger as well as the disruption a rumor caused your life. Now in possession of some valuable information, we are not an exception to the rule. A rock thrown toward a window will always shatter the glass. We can't take it back. An unbroken window leaves no splintered pieces. Instead, we should spend our energies on that which will help us rise above the muck. In the end, those who truly matter will see us as we really are.
Leave the rumors to the Bigfoot trackers, the Loch Ness hunters, and the celebrity circuit followers.
Ensure all rumors end with you.
Be good ya'll!
*In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?" Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It’s called the Triple Filter Test." "Triple filter?" "That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a m! oment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?" "No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and..." "All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?" "No, on the contrary..." "So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, even though you're not certain it's true?" The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued. "You may still pass the test though,because there is a third filter - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?" "No, not really..." "Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful,! why tell it to me at all?" The man was defeated and ashamed. This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.
Now that we have it, one of the most useless, wasteful, emotionally destructive, socially exhaustive, and spiritually degrading activities we engage in is the sin of rumor mongering, gossiping, prattling, blethering and blathering. Regardless what we call it, it is a sin. It is selfish in its desire and selfish in its motive. It destroys its target, but ultimately and unintentionally the rumor harms the perpetrator too.
Most of us have played the game Telephone before. You know where a phrase is shared with one person. They then whisper it to another. That person shares it with another and so on and so on ending with the last person in the group hoping to correctly repeat the original message. And as we all discovered, rarely did the former phrase match the latter comical and hilarious outcome. The game of Telephone we play in everyday life is rarely so comical or so kind. Instead it is hurtful, hateful, and disruptive to healthy living.
Because of the destructive power a rumor possesses, as a story often changes from person-to-person, there are very few small, insignificant, or harmless rumors. The damages left from a rumor's wake are difficult to track as are the sources.
The rumor's origin may lack any harmful undertone. There may be no malicious or destructive intent. And often a rumor's focus is meant to be one of humor and entertainment. Just simple, innocent chatter. The resulting effects can be anything but that and therein lies the danger. Once released and left unrestrained their corrosive and abusive effects can bring the strongest to their knees, felling even the mightiest.
Rumor spreading hinders relationships,ruins cherished friendships, and fractures marriages. Careers are tarnished, deals are cankered, and hearts are squashed. They pave way for grudges and loss of spirit. Much like a permanent marker, once spread no amount of scrubbing can entirely undo the damage done.
Regardless the validity of the rumor, if it fails to serve the target in any productive or righteous way, it shouldn't be shared. It aids neither the active spreader nor the casual listener.
Generally the victim of the rumor stands unaware of these attacks until the damage is done, unfairly preventing them from properly and justly defending their integrity, honor, and purpose. That they find themselves in such a situation, needing to defend their reputation at all, is equally unfortunate.
The sender is quick to share but slow to repair.
So why are rumors spread?
Well imagine if the local news reported only on blooming flowers, fluffy bunnies, and ice cream sundae socials. While they would indeed find an audience, they also wouldn't be in business very long. For better or worse, shock and awe sells. The bizarre and sensational rules. And knowledge, even misguided, is power. Wielded with unrighteous motive, rumor power destroys.
According to some sources, men gossip nearly twice as often as women. It's also been reported that upwards to 80% of our daily chatter revolves around other people and their peculiarities. Oddly enough, one examiner found that despite our fascination with the "juicy tidbits of personal info, only about 5 percent of gossip is malicious."
Quite frequently the gossiper lacks something in their life or they require rationale for their misdeeds or lack of success. If misery truly loves company, then passing their misery onto the innocent seems justified. Their insulting, corrosive attacks may provide them a moment of satisfaction, allowing them to sleep at night, but truth be told, their problems still exist come sunup.
And sometimes people are just plain bored. And we admit, if there was no gossiping or rumor sharing, the world would be a pretty quiet place.
How then do we respond?
Do we allow the rumor to define us and our future, accepting the hate and vileness impinging upon our joy and happiness, relegating us to continued misery and pain? Or, despite the hurt and literal anguish, do we choose to continue living such that the rumor dies, leaving the gossiper unsatisfied and broke? That despite these challenges, we thrive and live a grudge-less life. All this is easier said than done, right? Well our greatest reaction to such hurt is to avoid responding in kind, proving to ourselves and everyone how amazing we really are! "Truth is truth, even if no one believes it. A lie is a lie, even if everyone believes it."
Live such that others won't share a rumor with you. Doing so they learn that you don't want to hear them, that you won't spread the rumor. As a rumor matures, we must have the strength to walk away, even possessing the courage to tell others to stop the gossiping; regardless whether the rumor, true or not, will benefit us. We are as guilty as the rumor's author if the rumor gains strength with us or if we fail to kill the gossiping when in a position to do so.
Before sharing any gossipy tidbit, whether it begins with you or not, ask yourself, "Is it true? Will anyone benefit from it, including myself? And does anyone really want or need to hear it?" Put together, Don't share something if it isn't true, isn't good, and isn't important (*similar to Socrates' Three Filter Test). We must be less concerned with how it might help or hurt us and more aware of the damage it may cause the person and those associated with that person. Stop it when we can!
One more absolute no-no related to rumor mongering: while it should go without saying, do not be the source of a rumor. Recall the hurt, frustration, and anger as well as the disruption a rumor caused your life. Now in possession of some valuable information, we are not an exception to the rule. A rock thrown toward a window will always shatter the glass. We can't take it back. An unbroken window leaves no splintered pieces. Instead, we should spend our energies on that which will help us rise above the muck. In the end, those who truly matter will see us as we really are.
Leave the rumors to the Bigfoot trackers, the Loch Ness hunters, and the celebrity circuit followers.
Ensure all rumors end with you.
Be good ya'll!
*In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?" Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It’s called the Triple Filter Test." "Triple filter?" "That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a m! oment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?" "No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and..." "All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?" "No, on the contrary..." "So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, even though you're not certain it's true?" The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued. "You may still pass the test though,because there is a third filter - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?" "No, not really..." "Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful,! why tell it to me at all?" The man was defeated and ashamed. This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.
1 comment:
Well said Matt. I agree that there is nothing good to be had from gossip.
Having been on the receiving end of gossip it can be devastating to discover that those you thought to be friends are really tearing you down, and those you trusted have betrayed you.
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