Happily Ever After Doesn't Always Start that Way

During the course of our days, there will enter into each life special and amazing people. People who wow you within minutes of meeting them. People who possess a certain aura that seems to engulf those who greet them. People who inspire us. After meeting these souls, where upon departing, even if together for only a passing moment, you can't help but feel that you are now somehow a better, changed and improved person.

Rarely do these people innately possess all the qualities that make them the special people they are. What sets these incredible souls apart, is they've become great after a trial of their faith.

I have yet to encounter a single soul who has yet to face some sort of life changing, life altering ordeal - be it illness, divorce, or death. It appears no one is immune and for good reason. But from life's afflictions emerge two unique sets of people: Survivors and Thrivers.

While it is ideal to belong to either group, there are distinct and important differences separating the two. Both during and after an ordeal or trial, Survivors merely continuing living, never truly learning from the experience; frequently bemoaning their fate, while ever playing the victim's role - rarely recognizing the opportunity for growth now having passed them by.

         Thrivers on the other hand choose to change their lives after emerging from the refiner's fire. Thrivers become examples for others in how to truly learn and grow, how to do more than survive. For Thrivers,"Arise and Win," "Never give up, Never quit," "Beat all Odds," aren't just mottos. These are instilled elements, infused into their very being, their character. Thrivers don't rely on motivational posters for guidance and direction. Instead Thrivers are the inspiration for these posters.

Where Thrivers adapt, survivors react.

               Both survivors and Thrivers may question WHY during the trial, but whereas the survivor is content for the trial to be over, the Thriver asks and seeks for what can be learned from the experience and then shows gratitude to the Lord for carrying them through. While neither enjoys the journey, the differences continue: Survivors blame others for their woes, search of excuses, and curse the heavens; Thrivers accept the situation with pride, search for ways to improve, while thanking the Lord and praising the heavens. Survivors exist. Thrivers live!


All this is not to dismiss the progress and growth of Survivors. But whereas all Thrivers are also survivors, not all survivors become Thrivers. Becoming a Thriver takes time and faith. It doesn't happen overnight and in no way does becoming a Thriver mean an end to misery and woe. The good news is, through God and Christ, all may Survive and all may Thrive.

        From person-to-person the trials might be similar, but it is important to avoid comparative woes. We are all unique individuals. As such we possess different abilities and strengths. And because of our differences, we respond differently to the woes and trials of our days. But within all of us is the ability to choose to become survivors or Thrivers.

For whatever the reasons and regardless the trial, the opportunity to learn and grow from life's unexpected occurrences is not only a privilege, but an amazing opportunity. 

During these difficult and trying moments we might desire our challenges to more closely resemble that of a favorite movie: The typical film begins with a plot involving the cast of characters. Within the plot some element of conflict is introduced and along the way there are twists and turns with other adventures and misadventures; a short two hours later and it's "happily ever after" for those in the story - well, at least for most. Even the events of a lengthy book can change by the simple act of turning a page. Fortunately, and yet at times frustratingly, life isn't like these two examples. The duration of extremity of our trials, coupled with our strength and resolve, contribute to our growth and future strength. It's not just about getting up again after the fall; it's getting up, moving on, but never forgetting.

I've certainly experienced my own trials and I will share one of them in my next entry. But for now I wanted to share a few examples from some people special to me:


The prophet Nephi surely experienced his share of ordeal and heartache. In 2nd Nephi chapter 4, Nephi bemoans his current, temporal state, citing his personal weaknesses and sins: "O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities." He expresses woe due to sinning: "I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily abeset me." And while he doesn't precisely detail these sins, he still shows his humble human side: "And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins . . ."

And then Nephi enters into a new phase of his Psalm. He exits his momentary solace of woe and misery and arises, expressing his strength found only in the Lord: " . . . nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted. My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep."

My grandmother was paralyzed from the waist down after contracting polio in the 1950s. Many were dying while medical professionals feverishly worked to find a cure. At the time, it was not uncommon for the healthy spouse to abandon the ill spouse, often leaving the children too. My grandma witnessed this one day and when my grandpa arrived for a visit at the hospital, she told him to forget her and take their two young sons and begin a new life. Civilly married at the time, he no doubt was taken back a bit. But grandpa lovingly replied, “No, we were married for better or worse and it’s going to get a whole lot better.” Maybe he was a bit optimistic, but more likely he possessed such great love for his wife and had such deep faith in the Lord that he could see beyond the present, gloomy struggle and envision a bright and glorious future together. Shortly after her release from the hospital, they purchased a home near Provo, UT. To accommodate grandma’s wheelchair, they had to completely remodel the house. She also lost her ability to give birth, so they adopted two girls among many foster children they watched after. Vacations took an extra bit of effort, but grandpa didn’t want her to miss anything, even if this meant carrying her where wheelchairs couldn’t go. Later they would be sealed in the temple and by the time she passed away 46-years and 15 grandchildren later, their nearly 50 years of marriage was a model example of love and compassion a husband and wife should have for each other. But it was a prime example of making lemonade after life gave them lemons. I asked her before she died if a cure was developed which would restore her ability to walk, would she accept her. Her response surprised me. She said she would only if she could retain all she had learned from her new life. She had learned too much and would hate to lose that new found knowledge, strength, and growth.

Another inspiring example is that of the Prophet Joseph Smith. In the winter of 1839 Joseph and others were illegally imprisoned in the cruelly named Liberty Jail. After detailing all the horrors that Joseph had already experienced and those which may yet come his way, came these comforting words from the Lord in response to Joseph's pleas: 

And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good (Doctrine and Covenants 121).

After suffering repeated injustices, Joseph certainly must have wondered why. How much more was he to handle? And if God was aware of him and still cared. The purposes behind what we perceive as “delayed” blessings in our lives have great purpose: We may not be ready today for the blessings of tomorrow. Soren Kierkegaard said, ". . .  life must be understood backwards. But then one forgets the other principle: that it must be lived forwards." And I like this quote: You can't spend your whole life planning what'll make you happy tomorrow or you'll never be happy today. You've got to do it now. 


During these trying times, the knowledge that we all are children of God, that we have a Heavenly Father who knows us and loves us, is the most important and fulfilling sense of belonging we can have and the impact on our self worth is invaluable, priceless. As we learn who we are and that God has a plan uniquely and lovingly tailored for us all, we will begin to find joy and happiness even in our darkest moments. During these moments we must use that precious gift of faith to carry us through. We must learn to trust the Lord, rely on his provident hand, and accept His ways. As we do so, our hearts open and we begin to see and even love as He does. 

Thrivers take their new found strength and then apply it to all facets of their lives. They don't seek the easy way. They don't ask for allowances or pity. But yet they remain humble enough to accept the help of others. They refrain from asking, "What's in it for me?" They humbly challenge life, without waiting for life to just happen. Underdog is just a title, not a status in life. Thrivers are champions and conquerors. They ask, "What's next?"

In the eternal scheme of things, life is but a single heartbeat, a mere blip. But within that heartbeat occurs so much. And while we can't fully control what happens too us, we are in complete control in how we respond to these events - in how we live that heartbeat.  

It's your life . . . how will you live it?

Be Good!