Be In Control

How pathetic are those individuals whose failure or refusal to control their actions, to check their behavior, whether alone or amid society, thereby find themselves restrained, locked away, and shackled behind concrete walls and iron bars, no more to be trusted than a common zoo animal.

They've expelled kindness, acts of love and charity, sharing, and empathy from their lives and instead now allow selfishness, anger, hate, and unbridled passions, to govern and dictate their behaviors, even to make their choices. They hence have chosen the unholy and unruly to be their master; a master they instinctively kneel before and blindly obey. 

For the life of me I cannot figure out why anyone would willingly allow something unnatural or artificial, to control them - to be dominated by something weaker than even themselves, be it drugs, alcohol, pornography, or any other vice. I struggle to understand why we provide room for these controlling distractions. And why, once discovered, do we allow these impurities to fester and continue as the dominating, destructive forces they are? They leave the individual much like Pinocchio-controlled and fettered by the strings of an exploitative and manipulative puppet master. In a very real sense, they've forfeited their agency for a mere moment of satisfaction, a moment that leads to a potential life of sorrow, misery, and pain. 

Now I understand no one starts smoking or drinking with thoughts of, "I'm gonna make a habit of this." No one plans to become an addict prior to their first anything. And few if any are aware of their propensity to any vice. But with all we now know, with all the warnings, news stories, and sad tale testimonials, why would anyone start something, anything that can develop into such a gripping, destructive, life-squeezing, and life controlling force, damaging their spiritual and physical self?

There are countless tales of marriages disrupted and dissolved due to the effects of pornography addictions. Mistrust and betrayal have left their scarring marks on many homes because of alcohol abuse. And much family happiness has been uprooted because of video game addictions. 

For many, the habits and addictions we struggle with are not evidently obvious, with known negative impacts on communities and families; rather they come in subtle, quiet, even approved forms. But unrestrained, they morph into an uncontrolled beast with a voracious appetite for destruction. Sometimes they come at no fault of our own. Bad things happen. But we are still expected to overcome them and be in complete control of our lives.

Of course I am eternally grateful that I have not found myself a slave to these issues. And as with all the obstacles we face in life, none of this needs be permanent. Just as we had the choice to venture where we should not have, it is our choice to begin the oft times slow, but real and rewarding road back. It will take time. It will require patience and understanding. This path will involve forgiveness and forgiving. But it's been done before. As we stop seeing ourselves as a victim and rather as a victor, we will once again cut the strings controlling us and feel the freedom that brings true happiness.

Fortune Cookie No. 4

This week's Fortune Cookie Fortune:

You are One of Those Who Will "Go Places in Life"

This is a nice fortune of course, but my first question is, why is Go Places in Life in quotations? Seriously, what does that mean?!

And when it says, Will "Go Places in Life" does this exclude places I've been to once before? In other words, does this adventure begin as soon as I open the fortune cookie? Or did the journey begin at birth?

I do wish the fortune was a bit more specific as to where these places are. I lived in Switzerland for two years, but again that is past tense. I haven't been to Disneyland for a while and it's the happiest place on Earth. I've also never visited Tonga or Samoa and I've always wanted to see the islands. And throw in Paris, Moscow, Rome, Madrid, Venice, nope, nope, nope, and nope - never been, wanna go. Of course I haven't been to Paris, Idaho; Moscow, Texas; Rome, Georgia; Madrid, New Mexico; or Venice, Florida either and by definition those are places too.

In addition to Switzerland, I have also been to Germany, Austria, France, Belgium, and Pocatello, among others. So whether or not these places are referenced in the fortune, the world is so so vast, with so many amazing places to see and visit, someplace new would be nice. Choices.

Also, are these Places predetermined? I mean do I have a choice in where I go and whether I want to go in the first place?

Now I am glad that Places is plural. It would be quite depressing if the fortune read You Will Go somePlace in Life. I think I've been there before anyhow. Not sure I'd go back though.

Hmm, this fortune is creating more questions than answers. I guess a few more would be, will I know these Places when I get there? Will I go alone? Should I pack anything?

Ok, in the end maybe by "Places in Life" the fortune is referring to non-geographical places. Kind of like, we can all go far in life (as far as we choose), but Places in this case isn't a reference to physical geographical locales, with a literal measurable distance in mileage or elevations. Or places with hotels and visitor centers, with long drives in the back of station wagon. No, I'm taking the "Go Places in Life" to mean where I go, when I get there, and how I make my journey in life is entirely up to me. I think it means to surround myself with incredible people and share with them my life story as I learn from theirs. I'm understanding it to mean, to challenge myself to reach new heights and to go the extra mile. Maybe the fortune is saying to complain less, laugh louder, and to become a stronger, better person than I've yet attained. I set my and conquer my own limits. It's all up to me.

So yes, I believe the fortune's promise of being One of Those Who Will "Go Places in Life" is referring to the goals I'll accomplish, people I'll meet, lives (including my own) I'll affect for good, and the things I'll learn, even if they happen in Zurich, Kansas; Lebanon, Pennsylvania;  or Athens, Wisconsin.

And maybe the only souvenirs I'll bring home with me will be worth more than any snow globe, t-shirt, or key chain. I'll be sure to send a postcard though!

tHE dEVIL mADE mE DO iT!

"A man may fall many times
but he won't be a failure
until he says someone pushed him."
-Elmer G. Letterman

Accountability, responsibility, and stewardship

Lately these words, concepts, and ideas seem to be missing in the lives of many (metaphorically speaking anyhow; the last time I checked they were still in the dictionary of course). The problem however, for many these words seem to only be IN the dictionary. Fewer and fewer are striving to live lives defined by these characteristics. Now I don't want to be a downer here, so let's see if by the end of this post we can twist this one into a positive.

As we fail in practicing these attributes, we tend to find, or at the very least, seek for the worst in others; we engage in backbiting, we justify our lack of action and laziness; dishonesty becomes commonplace. Among the many other prevalent negative side effects from living in opposition to these qualities comes in the form of blaming others and excuse making: "Well he did it too", "Everyone is doing it", "Why can't I?", "I didn't know", "No one told me", "I wasn't ever trained", "She made me."

There are those today who are quick to make claims of "me" and "I" when money, awards, honors, and prestige are up for grabs, but who are even quicker to look the other way, to point the finger, and to pass blame onto "you", "them", and "they" when accusations or charges of improprieties are levied and bad behavior is evident. Often their speed in avoiding blame and criticism is so lightning quick they aren't even fully aware of the accusation. But mention "free" and they get whiplash in returning to the scene to claim their share (of course they'll then sue for the whiplash). They would stand in a line moving in an unending circle if they thought it led to a handout! (and yes, by definition, a circle is unending).

After tripping on his own and bumping his head, my nephew looked up at me and said, "You made me do it." Now I had nothing to do with him bumping his head, but it was easier to blame me than himself. Of course he is five, so such an excuse is borderline understandable. But others of more advanced maturities have made similar remarks. 

Historically the first examples of avoiding responsibility and blaming others gets pinned on Adam and Eve. After succumbing to temptation and partaking of the forbidden fruit, the Lord called to a hiding and naked Adam to answer for his violation. Adam's justification for his sins was, "The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat." While he did own up for his transgression, Adam's confession began first with an accusation aimed at Eve. The Lord then turned to get her report. Eve's refrain was similar, "The serpent beguiled me and I did eat." Said differently, "the Devil made me do it." Note however the childlike makeup of Adam and Eve's confession, congruent with their then spiritual and physical status and progression.

How often do we create excuses when excuses aren't needed? Or how many of us craft alibis before fully knowing whether reason exists in needing the alibi? Get pulled over by the police and we quickly go on the defensive, prepared to defend our actions, without yet knowing what violation we've committed (but yes, these encounters rarely end well). 

We don't just blame other people; we also tend to blame our weaknesses, frailties and failings on those entities which can't defend themselves. Trip on a crack in the sidewalk and it is the sidewalk's fault. Drop a pop fly and it is sun interference. And of course the ever popular, "The dog ate my homework", even if it were true.

"He that is good at making excuses,

is seldom good for anything else."

-Benjamin Franklin

And some are extremely quick to point the finger of guilt, either individually or with the rest of the group at that individual who has made the similar mistakes previously committed by the finger pointer(s) himself/themselves. That mote transforming into a beam in the hypocrite's eye leads to chronic blurry vision.

Many cherish responsibility until it is no longer convenient and serves them most. The moment said responsibility begins to interfere with new options or desired activities, is the moment many choose to walk away, to quit, to expect others to do it. "Someone else will do it" is a common refrain.

I worked at a long-term geriatric care facility in American Fork, Utah. I loved both our patients and the amazing people I worked alongside. We labored hard to ensure the special people in our charge lived their remaining days in comfort, peace, happiness and with dignity. One day I was standing in earshot of a patient in her wheelchair sitting by the nurse's station. As a nurse's aide walked by, this sweet resident asked the aid for some water. I was floored by the response: "That's not my job." What?!?!?! Are you kidding me? Not your job?! Not only is it your job as a nurse's aide, it's your job as a decent human being. At the very least, it is your job to find someone who can (and yes I provided assistance and no that doesn't make me a humanitarian).

Many easily take offense when corrected over little things, even when the correction could potentially save money or lives. Pride acts as a key interference to safety and well being; both physical and spiritual. It also deters spiritual progression. 

Take an example from religion: a person can live their entire life not just believing a doctrine, but also living the principles and obeying the commandments. Yet after a moment of weakness where sin is committed and facing the potential need for true repentance, they find it easier and more acceptable to void their blessings and walk away; blaming other people and other things for their current status.

And at the other end of the blame-game spectrum, many are also quite adept at creating excuses for that which has nothing or little to do with them. Take sports for example. How often do we as fans look at the refereeing as the cause for our team's loss? Or we explain their poor play on back-to-back games, playing on the road, with our best player injured, and so on and so on. And while sometimes there is validity to these excuses, quite often the truth is that the other team was just better. And that's OK.

Lastly, those who struggle with the concepts of accountability, responsibility, and stewardship never feel satisfied with what they have or their available opportunities. With each payday, they bemoan the small size of their income, finding fault in their employer, taxes, insurance, etc. While waiting for a movie, they gripe about the wait or the cost of popcorn. Give them a gift and they either compare it to what someone else received or they cry that it wasn't what they wanted and it's never good enough.

Accountability, responsibility, and stewardship

OK now the good news: none of this is permanent. It doesn't have to be this way. Living a life of accountability will in the end always be MORE rewarding than living in opposition to it. An accountable life brings with it respect; both outward and inner. It empowers us to try harder, accomplish more, and search for the good in all. We desire to aid those in need of assistance and guidance. Positivity ensues and we cease seeing the victim in ourselves. 

And generally speaking, forgiveness and happiness comes quickest to those who humbly admit their errors, seek for improvement, and carry their responsible load.

So yes, if not already doing so, it's time to stand up, own up, and live up to our standards, our responsibilities, and our duties! It's time to start being the people we are destined to become.

"A good leader takes a little more than his share of the blame, a little less than his share of the credit." -Arnold H. Glasgow

Early morning of June 6th, 1944, Allied forces stormed the beaches of Normandy as part of Operation Overlord. Supreme Allied commander General Dwight D. Eisenhower crafted a pencil-written letter regarding the battle. Filed away, the note revealed the character and content of this man. Dated a month after the invasion but most likely penned the prior to the Normandy landings the note read: 

"Our landings in the Cherbourg-Havre area have failed to gain a satisfactory foothold and I have withdrawn the troops. My decision to attack at this time and place was based upon the best information available. The troops, the air and the Navy did all that Bravery and devotion to duty could do." 

The letter closed with these words: "If any blame or fault attaches to the attempt it is mine alone." 

From the song Carefree Highway, Gordon Lightfoot sang "Now the thing that I call livin' is just bein' satisfied with knowing I got no one left to blame".


And just for laughs, I came across this:

"One day when my son Scott was two years old, I heard him crying. I went into his room and my daughter Hannah, who was four, was there also. A plastic bat was lying on the floor.  

          "What happened to Scott?" I asked.

          Hannah answered, "He hit his head."

          "On what?"

          She pointed toward the bat on the floor and said, "The bat."

          "Where was the bat?"  

          She said, "In my hand."

          We learn the Blame-It-On-Someone-Else Method at such an early age." [i]

---

[i] (Kent Crockett, The 911 Handbook, Peabody, MA: Hendrickson Publishers, 2003, 50)